For the first time in the short history of The Herd’s Word we’re going to do a running blog of a sports event, and what event better than the NFL Draft! From the no-brainers to the brainless picks that make your coworkers at the Lego Factory claim that they can run the Oakland Raiders. Since we can second-guess every GM’s decision for months until they prove us right or wrong, there is no better event to talk about, positively or negatively. Here we go……

7:29pm - Bradford claims he still has no idea if the Rams are going to pull the trigger and make him the first overall pick and trade rumors -aka misinformation- is swirling around the floor like the New York Stock Exchange. Nobody’s stock is higher than Bradford right now while we people might be looking at Ben Roethlisberger like they look at Bernie Madoff!

7:31 - It took one minute for the ESPN crew to mention Tim Tebow with Steve Young proclaiming, “I want a lefty quarterback to go tonight! That’s what I want.” Gruden has the grin of a 3-year old and you can almost see his mind churning, wondering how he went from Super Bowl coach to making irrelevant statements with Young and Co.

7:37 - The next move the NFL has to make is starting the Draft with the franchise making the first pick, immediately making their choice. The Rams have know since January 1st that they’ve been in this position and you’re telling me this next five minutes is going to change something. Come on!!! I have confidence that the NFL will make this change within 2 years, they’re good like that.

7:38 - And they take Bradford, who’s got a sheepish smile on his face and seems to be surrounded by your regular dirtbag agents and a few very proud family members. With the type of offensive line the Rams have, this may be the last time we see Sam Bradford standing up in a long time!

7:42 - Mort brings some good news to the city of St. Louis, mentioning that every big time quarterback that agent Tom Condon represents does end up signing before training camp. There’s not going to be a rookie hard cap, which some teams were hoping for, so that’s out of the question. Condon has represented Eli Manning, Peyton Manning, Alex Smith and Matt Ryan, and all of those guys have been signed before camp started. Well, there’s some more good news in St Louie!

7:46 - With the next two picks pretty much locked up, it’s just a matter of who Detroit takes, Ndamukong Suh or Gerald McCoy. With their track record, they’ll probably mistakenly take Colt McCoy instead of Gerald! To avoid any confusion between the McCoys, the Lions take Suh, an absolute beast who cleans up pretty well. Usually an interior defensive lineman is either a fat slob or an absolute wild man, but Suh is the type of guy who Detroit shouldn’t be afraid to put in front of incorporations and big money fans.

7:55 - The Bus take Gerald McCoy and now the real party starts. It’s a crapshoot from here and who better to roll the dice first but the ‘Skins. Isn’t football great? You could have the most money, pay the best coaches and make a few stupid Draft moves and a couple bad free agent signings and you become….well, you become the Washington Redskins of the 2000’s!

7:59 - Trent “Silverback” Williiams? YES!!!! What a great nickname. For those of you who don’t watch Discovery or Animal Planet -when games don’t live up to their hype- the Silverback Gorilla is the meanest in the gorilla family. Donnie McNabb better hope he turns into a true silverback and does a ton of damage over the next six years protecting McNabb in his older days. Let’s just hope Commissioner Goodell keeps including nicknames in his selections, as long as they aren’t ‘King Pookie’ or ‘De De’. Wiliams won’t have to use any Guerilla tactics getting money out of Dan Snyder though, he’ll be taken care of.

8:05 - We should start getting a string of offensive linemen coming up but Eric Berry has a big grin on his face, insinuating he might be coming off the board soon. He should too. There’s not a better athlete in the draft but it’s all about need and what you already have too.

8:07 - Berry goes off the board. Now we can start playing the game, “Drink Whenever Someone Mentions How Far Jimmy Clausen Will Fall” until he gets selected. Warning this game can give you a little buzz or you might have to call out of work tomorrow.

8:12 - The talk about what Pete Carroll and the Seahawks need to do in order to get back in the chase of the NFC West. Well, Kurt Waner helped them out a ton but they -like every other rebuilding franchise- have to start from the inside out and nobody knows that better than Carroll. He had a plethora of studs that he simply put in space while at USC but that game doesn’t work as well in the League. Gruden is pushing hard for CJ Spiller, that’s because he’s not making the pick though.

8:15 - Seattle takes Russell Okung from OSU and Carroll gets a monster on the offensive line to build around. You can’t ask for a better start to the Carroll regime. Unless of course one of those defensive tackles miraculously fell down to him.

8:20 - The Browns are reportedly having difficulty choosing between Boise’s Kyle Wilson and Florida’s Joe Haden. Anybody with their head in the game over the last few months knew neither of these players was going to be off the board at this point, so why the hell couldn’t Brown’s management have a definitive answer by now. I know Holmgren is the new sheriff in town but is it possible that there’s something in the water in the Brown’s facility that makes you managerially retarded? Pick a linebacker, a quarterback or a complimentary lineman on either side of the ball. When you’re that bad of a team you do not start from the outside and work in. Ask the Raiders. It doesn’t work!!!

8:22 - Steve Young wants to the Browns to trade back until Gruden breaks it to him, “Nobody wants to trade back! Especially with Mike Holmgren.” Take that Steve!!

8:25 - We love Joe Haden but we don’t like the pick. We have no doubt Haden is going to be a stud but you are looking for someone to clog the middle of that defense. Then again, the Browns have been getting beat up through the air over the past few years, which won’t happen with Haden in town. He might help the front seven by shutting down the opponent’s top receiver and he definitely could against anyone in the AFC Central.

8:26 - And the Raiders are on the clock. All you can do is sit back and enjoy the show. Keep in mind, everything that anyone on the ESPN set mentions is totally irrelevant to Al Davis and his Draft history is absolutely pristine in his old, fragile mind. It’s a beautiful world that Al Davis lives in!

8:28 - Drink!!! Steve Young has a need for Clausen!

8:30 - Al Davis steps to the plate, swings and………………..hits a slow roller to the pitcher’s mound. He doesn’t whiff with Rolando McClain, a linebacker teams would have loved to get in the middle to late first round but he definitely reaches, only the way a slow, old, borderline insane man can. Add Rolando McClain to the list of guys Al Davis has paid way too much for. And drink because Kiper mentioned Clausen at some point after McClain’s name was mentioned!

8:31 - The Bills jump at the opportunity to pick using less than two minutes of their 10 to make their selection. Somebody’s going to get what they want!

8:32 - And CJ Spiller was what they wanted. We saw spiller climb the board and end up anywhere as high as 6 and low as the late first. We had him going toward the end of the first round but our Mock has already been Busted! Spiller will add a different dimension to a Buffalo team that had been downright boring to watch over the past couple years but with this pick, and a couple in the second round, the Bills are -at the least- going to be a little more exciting to watch this season. Tough division though, we wouldn’t be surprised to see them have a better year but be picking even higher in 2011. That’s the breaks bro.

8:37 - The Jaguars select who? Tyson Alualu is a nice player but this is ridiculous. He’s the type of guy you can grab in the second round and still have a couple questions about. Alualu will be one of those guys, down the road when the Jags still don’t have a franchise quarterback, that whose name is mentioned during a game, it will be followed by, “he was drafted ahead of guys like Jimmy Clausen, Derrick Morgan, Dez Bryant, Colt MCoy etc”. Oh, well. Sucks to be a Jags fan right now.

8:40 - After a trade, the 49ers moved up past the Broncos……..

8:43 - In order to get Anthony Davis, a player we loved all season because of his monstrous size and ability. He’s a Rutgers guy who can be an absolute monster if he starts to play hard on every possession. Man, after that trade my mind was going all over the place. Anything could have happened but this kind of brought some levity back to the room. Kiper claims Davis could have been a top-3 pick if he stayed in college. And Steve Young thinks this means the San Francisco brass is making a statement that Alex Smith is their quarterback.

8:46 - Miami and San Diego have made a trade………

8:49 - So the Chargers can select Ryan Mathews, a running back they might have been able to get in their original position. At this point, if you can’t find a starting offensive lineman in this draft you should be working at Burger King! Mathews now has a back that can run between the tackles that will help Rivers out. They might have reached with the trade but they got what they wanted and Mathews is a perfect fit. Good pick.

8:52 - This is why ‘The Tuna’ is so great. He took advantage of San Diego’s need to get exactly what they want and added a high second rounder for tomorrow (40th overall) and a fourth round pick just to move back a few slots, where they will probably get the man they wanted anyway. Philly just moved up to #13 by trading with Denver who is accumulating a ton of picks. The word is the Eagles want Earl Thomas from Texas. He’s a stud.

8:57 - The Eagles moved up to get Brandon Graham out of Michigan. It’s another move that might not have been necessary. This is a typical story of one team falling in love with a guy and everyone around them telling them how great the kid is. The Eagles kept this move very quiet and got their man but you would think they could have got him a little later. Especially for someone Tom Jackson just called a “whirling durbish” type of player. Hopefully he’ll whirl himself into the quarterback a few times this year. And it didn’t cost them the pick they got from Washington for Donnie McNabb.

9:06 - Everybody on the set is drooling over Earl Thomas’ athleticism, with Gruden calling him a guaranteed Pro Bowler. Everybody loves him and everybody loves the dreads, which leads to him going to Seattle. Now Pete Carroll has some defense on his side and it looks like he’ll be setting his offensive mind on the second round. Remember, all those USC Title Teams had great defenses. Last year’s didn’t and look what happened. Pete aint no fool and he sure knows how to build a team.

9:09 - Clausen Time! Drink up.

9:10 - ‘Will it be a long night for Jimmy Clausen” - this drink’s on Berman

9:11 - Drinks on Mort! - “Once Seattle past on him, now we’re looking at the 49ers at 17………. blah blah blah”

9:13 - The crowd rises to their feet as Goodell announces the Giants’ pick of Jason Pierre-Paul. The kid only played one season of major college football but he is built like a Mack truck combined with Stretch Armstrong. He has the frame to build himself up to with a “Pro Weight Plan”, aka a ton of ‘roids, and he might be the next in line of great Giants pass rushers. With that said, if I see him flip one more time I’m going to puke. Somebody please mention Clausen so I can hammer down my Goose and Tonic!

9:21 - The Titans took Derrick Morgan about 8 spots lower than he expected to go but at least they didn’t get Pierre-Paul because we’d be hearing nonstop comparisons to Jevan Kearse. Morgan was the ACC Defensive Player of the Year and is a really impressive looking athlete. Mel Kiper gives Morgan the best compliment available for a defensive end coming out of college, calling him, “a complete defensive end who does everything right”.

9:25 - San Fran take Mike Iupati from Idaho. If you haven’t seen this kid he’s a total road grater that will punish anything that gets in front of him. Nothing is more annoying than —–DRINK, Kiper had to be obnoxious and mention Clausen——- the thought that you shouldn’t take a guard in the first round. I loved watching film of Iupati because he was such a violent player who really liked to beat people up. And Steve Young will not leave the Alex-Smith-the- 49ers-QB topic alone. I hope they take Co;t MCoy in the second round. Better yet, Tebow.

9:29 - We thought the Steelers would take Iupati who we thought was the best guard in the draft. Unfortunately for the Steelers, the 49ers thought highly of Iupati too. They are not missing out on much, except for a small amount of nastiness, by taking Maurkice Pouncey from Florida. Pouncey can play both guard positions and the center position, kicking the theory about picking a center in the 1st round directly in the head!

9:33 - The Falcons take a big time tackler in Sean Weatherspoon. He terrorized the Big 12 for four seasons and then ran a nice time during workouts which boosted him up the Draft Board. There is going to be a lot of big names available in the second round which couldn’t make ESPN any happier.

9:35 - Even the announcer lady mentioned that Clausen is still available. DRINK!

9:38 - Houston just got a fantastic corner in Kareem Jackson. He is battle tested having played in the SEC and will be perfect in the Houston defense. He’ll have his hands full now, facing Peyton Manning and trying to climb to the top of that division which will be a long, slow rise.

9:40 - Finally, a beautiful reason to DRINK! Erin Andrews, live from Jimmy Clausen’s house, ponders how long Jimmy will have to wait. Thanks for the drink Erin. And thank you for everything else you provide.

9:42 - The Bengals go out and get Carson Palmer a weapon, if he’s fully healthy. Jermaine Gresham goes to Cincinnati making him the 4th Oklahoma player to go in the first 18 picks. If Sam Bradford didn’t stay banged up this season, the Sooners would have been a problem in the Big 12. Texas is happy they weren’t.

9:45 - The Broncos try to find their replacement for Brandon Marshall by selecting DeMaryius Thomas who came out of Georgia Tech, a team that ran the option offense. How has Georgia Tech groomed Thomas and Calvin Johnson over the past four years by running the option offense? Imagine what the Yellow Jackets could have been if they had a QB that could throw the ball, with that offensive line and the running back system they were lucky to have. Wow! Where’s our man Dez Bryant by the way?!

9:51 - If there was one player in the NFL Draft that looks like he should be playing in Green Bay, it is Bryan Bulaga. Bulaga looks like he could be playing in Green Bay in 1955! He’s a lilly white, short haired farm boy who is super athletic for such a big man. He could have came back for his senior year, along with Amari Speivey, and been one of the first 5 players off the board. One thing nobody has mentioned yet tonight is the inevitability of a rookie salary cap which has made this draft so deep and fun to watch. That and the fact that we have another Notre Dame QB sliding down the board like he got pushed on to a ride a Wally’s Wet ‘n Wild World.

10:00 - New England trades the 24th overall pick to Dallas. Then our man Dez goes to the Dallas Cowboys. It’s a match made in heaven, for everybody. By all account Dez Bryant is a good kid who made a stupid mistake by interacting too much with Deion Sanders in the offseason. He got suspended and now he’s going to add another dimension to the Cowboys offense. A lot of wide receivers aren’t ready to contribute when they get into the league. Dez Bryant is not one of those players. He will be on the field early and often, giving Tony Romo a new best friend. The Patriots now own every pick in the next five rounds for the next three years.

10:04 - Tebow is on the phone and looks PUMPED. It’s either Jesus or the Broncos on the other end.

10:07 - Tim Tebow just got drafted over Jimmy Clausen. Todd McShay is laughing in Mel Kiper’s face. Bill Belichick is trying to John McDaniels that he was just kidding when he mentioned they should pick him. And Denver just got a lot more Christian-y?

10:09 - Baltimore traded the 25th pick to Denver after missing out on Dez Bryant, that’s how they landed Tebow. Tom Jackson makes the best point out of any we’ve heard about Tim Tebow during this whole process. “You can only lead your team if you are playing!” Jackson said. The truth hurts.

10:10 - DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! The crew just mentioned Clausen so many times I have Grey Goose coming out of my nose.

10:17 - Arizona is slowly becoming a really smart franchise. They take DT Dan Williams who was ranked as the third best defensive tackle and Kiper had him as high as #12 at one point during this whole process. Williams had a tremendous amount of production this season and he could be a beast in Arizona’s scheme. Matt Leinart was probably shaking in his boots hoping the brass didn’t take Jimmy Clausen and start him right away. If you can’t read between the lines, I would have taken Clausen.

10:24 - Devin McCourty has been taken by the Patriots. This is a sneaky pick because he has a brother Jason who plays for the Titans and Belichick is secetly hoping Devin knows everything about Tennessee’s playbook. Either that or Belichick has some sick scheme about what he could do if he was able to get both identical twins on his team. He could pay two guys one salary. He could put them both out there at once maybe? With Belichick, the options limitless. I don’t like this pick because I’m scared. Legitimately scared.

10:30 - The Tuna strikes again. He gets exactly what he wanted - a hybrid defensive end/tackle- at number 14 but instead he took advantage of people’s anxiousness and gets a great player along with a couple picks. Jason Odrick is a beast out of Penn State that has the ability to jump along the line and perform at a high level at each position. While every other GM in the league tries to find new stats and ways to measure a player’s worth, Parcells still finds guys that are better than the ones you pick. So consistent, so simple, so annoying.

10:37 - The Jets have made so many moves on the defensive side of the ball this season that they can go offense with their first pick. And with all these changes in the first round and all these bomb shells going off I wouldn’t be surprised at anything Rex Ryan does at this point…….. He goes with Kyle Wilson, from Boise State. Rex Ryan’s defense is going to be able to blitz as many guys as you want. And most people probably think these Boise kids are all from Cali or Out West, NOPE! Wilson is coming home to New Jersey where he was born and bred. Now he gets to play in a pitbull manner for Ryan? MY LORD. Everybody talks about getting their offensive star ‘on an island’. Now the Jets are trying to get their defensive stars on an island with you and simply break you down. The Jets are the new favorites in the AFC East.

10:42 - DRINK. Clausen’s name is all over the place. Now call into work and blame it on Mel Kiper!

10:44 - Well, well, well. The Lions get the Vikings pick and take Jahvid Best, who everyone wonders if he can stay healthy for a full pro season. In the back of your head you have to wonder if the Vikings -who could have easily taken Jimmy Clausen to be their QB-in-wating, learning under Farve- didn’t want to ruffle old Brett’s feathers by making a selection and didn’t want the outcry from the fanbase if they picked someone else. Either way, that trade is kind of strange.

10:52 - Indy can go any way they want with this pick but we see them going with Charles Brown to help out their offensive line. Considering we’ve been terrible with our mock draft (numbers at the end) they’ll probably take a defensive back……… Even better, they take Jerry Hughes from TCU. We thought Hughes was going to be taken a lot higher because he has such a motor and gets to the quarterback in one way or another. He has great athleticism and will learn so much under the guys like Freeney and Mathis. He’s going to be another great defender in the Peyton Manning era.

10:58 - It’s a little disappointing not being able to take this momentum into the second round, but barring any unforeseen circumstances -like an ex-girlfriend looking for a love matinee- Fireman Mike will be back tomorrow to see how far he can get through the second and third rounds. The bet is he gets through25 picks and bails. Both Mock Drafts Are Done Baby!!!!!—FM

11:00 - Considering everything, this Draft didn’t take too ridiculously long. Considering Colt McCoy, Jimmy Clausen and some of the best defenders in college football are still available, the NFL might have some heavy ratings on their hands for tomorrow night.

11:03 - Patrick Robinson is a great pick for the Super Bowl Champs. He was once regarded as an early first round pick but with Florida State’s inconsistencies and his lack of desire at times dropped his stock. He’s started for his four years at FSU and has played in every situation imaginable in college. Our guess is that he’ll be able to step in and help the Saints blitz the hell out of people and make plays in the d-backfield. That is what Patrick Robinson is good at!

11:07 - Well, that does it for Round 1. Hope everyone had fun and I hope there was at least a few of you who didn’t play the “Drink Whenever Someone Mentions How Far Jimmy Clausen Will Fall” game will be designated drivers for the rest of the drunken baboons that decided to play. Hope it was fun, see ya tomorrow night!!!!!!!!